don't sacrifice the gift

Just over a week ago, the last of my dad's ski buddies (and a great friend to our family) went to join my dad on The Mountain of the Great Beyond. Two days later, me and Mr. Blueberry Pancakes went skiing, and as we were putting on our ski boots in the parking lot under the sunshine, my shoulders felt heavy, my chest caved in as my chin dropped, and I started sobbing with the realization that all of the men who taught me to ski as a kid and showed me how to have fun on the mountain - they are all gone now. They don't get any more days like this, and I don't get any more days of any kind with them. They're all gone. 

I shocked myself when I told Mr. Blueberry Pancakes that I was SO SAD. Equally shocked that I had vocalized an unpleasant emotion, his face crumpled with worry, and he wrapped his arms around me and said we didn't have to ski. I let my less-audible tears sop his shoulder for a bit and then I picked my head up. As I pulled away, I said no, we're alive, and we can, so I'd rather go be sad on skis and a chairlift than on the couch. So we finished buckling our boots, gathered our skis, poles and lunch, and headed for the base area. 

Mr. BP loves a challenge on the mountain. With my tri training, skiing is something I do on my recovery day, so lately I've been more inclined to easy-ski and cruise around the more mellow trails on the front side. As we were on the bus to the base, I asked DH what kind of day he wanted, and of course he said he wanted to head to the back. I said I need a warmup, and I'm not interested in doing the harder bowls, but I'll go over to the slightly less difficult area and if he wanted more of a challenge, I'm happy to meet him at the end of the day. He actually wanted to ski the same area, so after a couple fun cruiser runs down the front of the mountain, we turned our skis toward the backside and were greeted with mounds of great powder! 

Heaven on earth - Copper Mountain

We had such a good time playing around in that soft snow that for the first time in ages (maybe since we were married?) we never went inside - we even ate our packed lunches on the lift! Toward the end of the day, we were riding the chair back up and hoping for one more powder run, but we knew we were cutting it close. We reached the top and whooped as we saw the area was still open, so we quickly skied over to it and hopped in just ahead of the ski patrollers. They pulled the rope up behind us to close it for the day, meaning we now had the powder fields to ourselves for our last run on it! We took our time skiing down, enjoying the views, the snow and each other. As Mr. BP took this photo of me, I said I was still sad there would be no more days like this with The Gone, but I was happy that we could enjoy this day together. I told him I was certain that THEY put in the request for US to have THIS beautiful powder day, and I was so happy we had not sacrificed the gift. We were the last ones on the chairlift out, and then we blissfully cruised down the front side of the mountain as the sun dipped toward the horizon. 

The following day was the fifteen-year anniversary of when my dad went down, before he died almost two weeks later. This part of March is always a sad hard time for me, with varying degrees of difficulty every year. But this year I'm happy that Dad now has all his ski buddies with him, I'm happy I inherited his love for the mountains, I'm grateful for the foundation he built so I could enjoy this life, and so very thankful for my health and that I prioritize it to keep skiing. And I'm super thankful that all those ski guys in The Beyond made sure we had a powder day. I had an extra glass of wine and three unplanned thin mints cookies that night, which is OK as a blip. But I didn't want that nonsense to continue over the next two weeks, so I've been mindful to take a little extra care of me and get all my training workouts done here on The Road to Oregon. Like me, my dad loved to ride a bicycle, so it was very nice that he made sure I was gifted TWO outdoor riding days here in Colorado last week as well - that definitely helped my spirits. 

Today is a rest day, one I will take completely off from tri training, on the end of my recovery week. Yesterday I was telling my sister how glorious recovery weeks are, and how thrilled I was that I only had to do a one hour run and she says, "Oh that sounds like a nightmare to me, right now." We both burst out laughing as it really is a matter of perspective - six months ago this would have sounded like a scary nightmare to me, too! But here I am, and I'm just happy I can do it. I actually ran over six miles in that hour, which is a very big feat for me, and I felt (and still feel) GREAT! Today I'm about to walk the doggies around in the sunshine, Mr. BP is headed to the rec center for a swim workout, and we'll do something fun together afterward. It's almost warm enough to ride bikes to a brewery or something.... hmmmmmm... 

Happy Sunday, friends. Life is short, go play outside with the people you love. 

best run ever

Last Saturday I had a ten mile run on my training calendar, and all week leading up to it I was intimidated by the number. Double digits. Ten miles sounded very long and very difficult. When the weekend came, for a Saturday in February in Colorado, it was a super nice day for a run. Some of the others in the training group had their long run scheduled for Sunday, and my coach had said I could swap my weekend workouts to run with them if I'd like. I really didn't want one more day of mental anguish, so I decided to just go for it as planned on Saturday. 

I put off starting the run until late afternoon, having calculated the time I needed to have enough daylight to finish... if I finished. The workout instructions were to run the first seven miles very easy, then pick it up with descending splits for each of the last three miles. Well, three miles into the run at my very easy pace, I was still 'in my head' about how long and difficult this run was going to be by the time I got to TEN MILES. But somewhere in that third mile, I acknowledged to myself that I felt better than I had on the first mile. As I passed the halfway point, I thought 'Hey, this really is OK.' At mile six, I realized this run is totally doable, so I asked myself what was it that I wasn't trusting, earlier? My coach gave me the workout, she knows what I can do. I haven't had any pain during training so far. I've been running almost nine miles, why did adding a little more than one mile scare me so much? What didn't I trust? I had no answer. I kept running. 

During mile seven, I backed off my pace a bit to gear up for the faster final miles. A few minutes before starting that first faster mile, I knew that I was GOING to finish this run strong, with descending splits as directed. I picked up my pace a bit, ahead of the plan. Let's do this. 

Mile 8: HERE WE GO. Whoa, not that fast, you have to pick it up again for miles nine and ten! But holy moly, I feel great!

Mile 9: Ok, pick it up a little more now, GOOD - now hang on to this pace! Ugh, this mile is hard. But hey, I can do hard things, and I am DOING THIS.

Mile 10: GO!!! This is IT, strong finish! I picked up the pace again, I held on, and before I had time to process anything else that last mile was DONE, and I ran it at a faster pace than what I would run for a 5K.

I turned to start my cooldown. The sky over the mountains hovered in the faint yellows of early sunset. I couldn't help but yell to the heavens and everyone else in the park within earshot that "I DID IT!" I had run ten miles, getting faster each of the last three miles, NOTHING hurt, and I as I breathed deeply, I acknowledged that I actually felt fantastic. I started laughing and I burst into tears.

I'd love to tell you that I spent hours on full recovery and had perfect nutrition afterward. I did stretch, a lot, so that was good, and I had leftover rotisserie chicken, veggies and pretzels as my recovery meal - also good! But then we went to a birthday party for a friend, which turned out to be super fun, with great food and wine. I ate back all my calories and then some. Some days are like that. It doesn't mean I'm not a healthy person. It doesn't mean I'm not working toward my goals. I realize now that I probably should have eaten a little more post-run, because I was absolutely starving by the time we got to the restaurant. Noted. The day after that run, my legs felt good, I had a relaxing recovery swim, and just kept going with my training. 

Yesterday I ran eleven miles. I bested myself on the overall run, my pace descended for each of the last five miles and my final mile was twenty-four seconds faster this week over last. This is fairly common in early training, but even so, it's wonderful to see. I am very happy to tell you my post-workout eating improved immensely! Today I feel great, and I really am just so very grateful I can do this. It is truly a GIFT. 

I hope you are having a great healthy weekend. I'm coming up on my hard training week, so today will be spent relaxing and prepping to GO GET IT. You go get yours, too. ;)

the progression

Last week was the hard week of this month-long training block. Man, almost everything that could go wrong last week, DID, it seemed. My run was SO FRIGID. Work blew up - for a part-time job, that was WAY more stress than needed and unexpected time commitment, so that ate into being able to complete my workouts one day. And I was super tired from the harder workouts. But hey, I did them, except for that little run. Dogs and husband are still mostly alive. I am realizing that the hard weeks are really going to be HARD. Not just physically, but mentally. And really, this is the point of training, to stress you, and you get stronger as you go. Last week's lesson was that rest time and down time is VERY important and should not be sacrificed for anything. Do the best you can to preserve and protect it. 

In any case on Friday I went to the pool to do my Monster Swim (for me). There was only one free lane, and all the other lanes had good swimmers in them who were fixated on their workouts, so I was happy I didn't have to disrupt anyone to ask to share. I really don't mind sharing a lane in the pool - I mean, in a tri you're going to swim with others and it gets you more used to the feel of open water swimming - but it sure is nice to have a lane to yourself for long sets. I had to swim a long warmup, lots of 50s, lots of 100s and multiple sets of 500 and 250 yards. Counting for long sets is TOUGH for me, but my coach gave me a great tip - swim 100 yards on one side of the lane, then 100 on the other, so you know the odds and evens. WAY easier to count that way! So having a lane to myself was a gift in this case.

I hopped in to start my warmup. Of course, I noticed the man swimming in the lane next to me had his Ironman swim cap on. He was older, looked to be in his sixties which, because he is a triathlete, probably meant he was in his seventies or even 80. He was a great swimmer. I got through most of my warmup before someone walked up on the deck and asked to share my lane. DARN. When I said I don't mind sharing a lane, I meant that in general I actually prefer it because it feels more like open water swimming. And because I grew up in Florida where you were always in the water with your friends having a good time, anytime I share lanes in the pool I have an enjoyable swim, really! But on that day, when I had so much counting and long sets to do, and this woman asked to share, my thought was 'UGGGGGHHHHHHH. Fine.'

Well, she was fast. I watched her form on my rests between 50s. Her elbows were always high. Maybe I could focus on that. I finished the 50s and was just about to get into my first 500 when Mr. Ironman said to me "I'm done if you want to move over and have your own lane." Cue the choir of angels above his black IM branded swim cap. I ducked under the lane divider and said "Thank you so much, Mr. Ironman!" and he laughed. I told him I was doing my first half IM in July and he absolutely LIT UP as he said "Oh, that's wonderful, you are going to do GREAT!" Pretty sure I beamed back at him as I thanked him and told him I hope so, because I am spending a lot of time in the pool already! He gave me a nice nod as he walked off and I started my long sets. 

I really did have a great swim that day. It was hard. Training is just hard, which is the point. I had never swum that far in a pool - well, not that I can remember, maybe I did in my younger days, I never had a watch that told me how many yards I covered. But I kept thinking how Mr. Ironman told me I was going to do great. I believed him, and I just kept swimming. Turns out, my coach has me swimming a lot because it's a good way to increase my training volume without stressing my body as much as running does. Good to know. I also got to work on my form a bit, I've been watching some great videos on the FORM channel on YouTube and putting them into practice. I learned to be a very technically sound rower with a lot of technique practice, so why wouldn't I do my best to be a very technically sound swimmer? This is why we train, to practice, and I want to practice getting GOOD at whatever I'm doing. 

Well now it's recovery week and it's glorious. I haven't even looked at the calendar but I know I'll love it. I will make sure I actually use my down time to recover - not just my body but also my mind. Over the weekend I was supposed to do a 2-hour ride outside, as the last hard workout before recovery week. Well I completely forgot me and my coach talked about me and DH riding the hard hill climb route the group did together while I was at work. So I got home from work, and me and DH took off for a 2-hour ride around the reservoir. When I got home and the workout uploaded, I saw the harder route was what I was "supposed" to do. Cue the guilt. Uggggggggggh. Slacker. NOPE, NOT EVEN ONE. I turned that thought around because I truly forgot the conversation, next time I'll check to confirm the workout. But even if I *had* confirmed the workout, the timing wouldn't have allowed me to complete that route in the number of daylight hours that were left. So, we do the best we can, and we LET IT GO, and we move on. 

Superbowl ski day at Copper

Yesterday was my off day. We skied Copper, because it was Superbowl Sunday and that's what we do on Superbowl Sunday! We made new friends in the parking lot, a really nice couple who parked behind us, random but awesome! We mostly easy skied, and toward the end of the day Patrick did get to do his big scary run and even a hike while I did fun laps off the Rendezvous lift. Then we met up and skied across and down the whole mountain to the base, together. Saw our new friends, and traffic was super light so we got home in time to watch the second half of a really great game - even though we didn't care who won (Chiefs or Eagles) it really was a good game. I'm happy the Chiefs won. I like Patrick Mahomes, their QB, and it was nice to see Andy Reid do well outside of the Eagles. 

The progression is not just physical. I am seeing the mental progression, too. Putting my time and energy toward things I love. This really is a gift. I was joking in a group that you can be super successful at tri training if you quit your day job, and a friend got a little snippy and said "not all of us have the luxury of having a sugar daddy." I let the comment go, but I did text her later that I quit my job long before I decided to train like this, and I had worked really hard to be able to take time off, and I knew it was a gift that wouldn't last forever, but I'm super grateful I CAN do it. It's interesting how I have chosen to fill my hours - more on all that later, but wanted to note that.

And now to enjoy RECOVERY WEEK! I promise to HONOR MY REST. Hope you all have a great healthy week. :) By the way I haven't fit into these pink ski pants in over 10 years. Nice benefit to tri training! 

there will be cake

DH got us a great Christmas present - a cast iron Bundt pan. God bless this man, he loves cake as much as I do. Of course, we had to break it in and to do so, he wanted to make a tasty recipe he found on Instagram... of all things, it was a delightful poundcake. Well hey, thank goodness I'm over here training for an endurance race, right? I mean, I'm burning so many calories, some days it's been too hard for me to consume enough calories, why not use a homemade cake to replace some of them? Yeah, I can lighten up the cake a bit, and it really won't be any issue, since I'm burning so many calories every day... right? Spoiler alert: I was wrong, and feedback from the scale was my weight went up despite many hours of me swimming, biking, running and weightlifting. 

Truth be told, I really did have the calories to spare and if we're talking only about the cake, there would have been no issue. But it's never that simple. The reality was that in addition to eating the cake (and tracking it) I wanted more sugar all week. I ate (and tracked) chocolate chips, extra raisins and dates... I foraged for cookies, candy and more chocolate. So the weight gain wasn't only from the cake, but all the additional sugar I don't usually have. Sugar begets wanting more sugar, for me. Also being honest, looking at the reports, my net calories in was never higher than my burn rate other than one day, where I was 200 over, but that's still in a maintenance range for me. Perhaps my weight gain there was an indication of how my body treats sugar - maybe my body stores it, and doesn't burn it. It seems like it just saves it. Maybe? 

In any case, thankfully the cake is gone. I am nailing my workouts and seeing improvements in all areas. I supplement my swimming, biking and running with Caroline Girvin's Iron series, yoga classes, stretching, and doggie walks. I had a blip last week where I really didn't sleep well, and I felt very run-down for a couple of days. But I took that direct feedback from my body and laid low during my down-time, and got some extra sleep - that got me right back to feeling great again. There's a good chance the extra sugar had also contributed to my feeling sluggish. I'm back to eating well and planning meals, en route to becoming the best triathlete I can be. 

My takeaway? The next time we make a cake [let's be real, there will be cake] I'll slice it up and freeze portions, rather than work on consuming it in a week. And I may need to make sure there's absolutely no other sugar around, or at least move all things sweet into the basement fridge, to make it a little harder to access. 

Hope you are all having a great healthy week. Do your best and make the next decision a good one...

Long swims, and rides, and runs with God...

Well, six weeks into organized training and here I am starting recovery week #2, which looks absolutely GLORIOUS. Basically, my training plan is a series of 4-week segments where you build on week 1, build more on week 2, REALLY build on week 3, and then you get a recovery week. Then you start the next segment, at a higher level than the last segment, and repeat these months up until race month. I am up to 2800-yard swims, 90-minute trainer rides, 2+ hour outside rides (I was lucky enough to get one outdoor ride in January here in Denver, so far), and 90-minute runs, which are about 8.2-ish miles for me right now. I'm not breaking any speed records for any of this, just building my base. I feel great, no joint pain, manageable muscle soreness, pretty good mental state. I am tired for sure, but I am progressing, and it's fun and SUPER amazing for me to watch. I am so happy I am doing this! 

In the land of motivation or mindfulness, whatever we want to call it, this week I picked up something along the lines of: Get honest with why you are doing what you are doing. If you are doing something to tell a great story, you may not want to do it, you might be seeking external validation. But if you are doing something to have an experience, well, then it's likely you really want to do it. So, be honest about the answer to the question "Why you are doing whatever it is that occupies your time?" 

2019 Oktoberfest Triathlon, Longmont, CO

As far as triathlon goes, the answer is, and always has been, I do this for fun for ME. I like to swim, ride and run, BONUS if I can find other people to join me to play outside. No wonder I met my husband in a swimming pool, at a triathlon club swim workout. I didn't go there to find a husband and believe me I never would have DREAMED I would meet my future husband while wearing a swimsuit in a public pool. I didn't join my first sprint triathlon race to beat my brother - I joined because he signed up and it sounded like so much fun. It was fun 20+ years ago, and for me it still is, today.

If I look at my pre-2022 life, quite a bit of how I was living was done for the approval or praise of someone other than me or God. Not that I didn't enjoy a lot of it (I mean, twist my arm, Acme Company, you want me to spend 2 weeks in Paris, Hong Kong, London, Germany, Panama, and put me up at a 4-star hotel? Sure thing!) But I did what I thought I should be doing because that was someone else's definition of How to be Successful. I met their definition, almost every time - my boss, my dad, my mom, my sister, my husband... and success to me, meant being successful in their eyes? But is that actually success?

I've now had a full year off from Corporate America. I have no intention of returning to it in the same capacity as when I left it and am undecided as to whether I will return to it at all. One of the best benefits of training for an endurance event is the solo time I get to spend, and finding I like keeping my own company. And then God shows up, too, every single time, whether or not I am aware, whether or not I ask. I do find myself making small asks - please don't let me drown, please don't let this injure me, please help me best that last interval by one second... But also, big ones. Please help me understand how I can help my mom. Help me understand how to be a better wife, friend, sister, in-law, etc. Please help me see the path that will bring me to my best self in the way you set out for me. Please help me understand what success for me looks like, and help point my steps in the direction you created me to take...

And the answer? Keep going, in this direction, one stroke, one pedal, one step more, one mile more. Keep lending an ear and a hand to your mom. Keep your house going, keep making it a nice refuge for your husband, you and the dogs to enjoy. Listen to your friends and family when they need an ear, no need to solve their problems, just keep being there to help them work out the best solution for them. Keep mentoring. Keep volunteering. Keep writing. Keep showing up for your WW members. You're on the right path. Keep going. I have never let you down, and I'm not about to start now. And my honest answer? Thank you. I am doing that, and I love it all, so thank you for the opportunity to continue it.

This is all a leap of faith. I have no idea how anything will work out, none of us do. But that's part of it, to keep the faith as we follow the path, even if we can't see or know what's around the next bend. Just go one more step, pedal or stroke, and trust the universe that in the end, everything is unfolding exactly as it should. 

alignment, strength, connection and something else...

Those were my "words for 2023" in one of those 'whatever words you see first is your mantra for 2023' thingies. They definitely resonated with me, and really are carry-overs from the past year. I've been actively working to align my life with the people, goals and experiences that are truly important to me. I have made GREAT connections along the way and am looking forward to strengthening my relationships. I feel I have been physically and mentally strong in general, in my past, but I'm really seeing growth in both types of strength since stepping away from working full time at the end of 2021. 2022 really was a year to gain clarity - I'm not sure that was my intent, but that is what happened. Without that clarity, I wouldn't be able to pivot my focus so that it aligns with the people and things I value. I really have been moving toward doing things I love, with and for people I love, with a faith that it will all work out, and lo and behold I feel stronger, I feel more connected, I feel HAPPY and GRATEFUL. I kind of feel like I'm as content now as I seem here in this baby pic of me! So yes, the 2023 words alignment, strength and connection definitely resonated. I can't remember the fourth word. Oh well it will show up, like clarity did for 2022, right?

I'm not one for resolutions, but I actually do want to clean and streamline a shelf or drawer every day in January. This is inspired by our recent trip where we moved my in-laws back into their house after a fire. In their case, insurance charged per-item to clean and restore. This included unused mason jars (small canning jars). Seriously? But it did make me think, what in my house is worth cleaning and restoring? I'd like to keep only those things. We have a lot of unusable items that should be tossed or repaired, and also a lot of useful items that we no longer need (or never enjoy using), so we can pass them along to those who will love them. Managing "a shelf or drawer a day" will get me through our bedroom and bathroom in January, and likely the upstairs closets. Adulting is so fun, isn't it?

Training is going very well. I am progressing well, I can feel myself getting stronger and more fit, it's amazing. And the data doesn't lie. My running, swimming and biking are all showing improvement. My coach's philosophy is not to train to a number or a place in a race, just get as fit as you can so you can have your best performance. And my philosophy these days is "How far can I go? How good CAN I be?" So here we are in alignment, I'm doing the workouts, I feel great, my coach is helping me get to my best, and I want to keep on keepin' on! She prescribed a New Year's Day long run for me, for 75 minutes. I was afraid to do this because I wasn't sure I could, but then I just got up and did it... and got way more out of it than I expected!

So for that long run, I didn't exactly know my route, I didn't know the bathrooms along my route, and I didn't use the bathroom before I started the run. Mile three was VERY UNCOMFORTABLE until I stumbled on the McDonald's, then things got MUCH better! Of course, this was never my normal running route, and I wasn't running with my phone, so I didn't exactly know how to get myself home. All the houses looked the same, the street names were all similar, and with no map nor any cue sheet, I got lost. By the time I got to familiar territory and could sort myself out, the run ended up being 90 minutes. Let's just say I learned some valuable lessons that day, which is the point of training! Mostly I learned that when $h!t happens, I can handle it and carry on just fine, and I'm a lot stronger than I think I am. I really am happy that even though I got lost, the extra 15-minute detour was no big deal on my body nor my mind. Go, ME!

That said, training continues and I'm about to head to the pool. We got in yesterday afternoon, I unpacked and did my bike workout, today is a swim and a run so yep, I just keep on keepin' on, indeed. Hope you are all setting yourself up for a great healthy week. HAPPY NEW YEAR, everyone! I hope it is your best one yet. :)

ski legs

Got our first day of the season in on Sunday! It's funny that a ski day is my off day, as far as training goes. I have to say, skiing uses totally different muscles, and I was feeling it even on the easy stuff! But I'm so happy we went. I wore my new ski girl shirt. I have wanted a version of this shirt since before me and DH were together. I found it on sale, in a medium, and the girl on the shirt is a cartoon version of me (sans helmet). WIN! This shirt was a present to me for all the work I've been doing. I am taking Chrissie Wellington's advice - she says it's important to do nice things for yourself to acknowledge all your hard efforts. I plan to show my appreciation by doing something nice for me once a month. 

My body is definitely adjusting to the workload. This week starts adding a second swim to the calendar, and today I have both swim AND track in one day. Here we go, right?!?! Still doing the CG workouts, too and I am feeling stronger. Interesting note, no pain while skiing! My left shoulder issue definitely improved with resting it (took it out of the weights rotations for a week) and my hip gets tight after a long run but doesn't hurt otherwise, so hooray! I've been careful to stretch after every workout and use the massage gun if things feel extra tight. I think the gun really worked to help my shoulder, so that is very good to know. 

I am doing a good job of curbing the night-time eating. It is amazing what a little awareness will do. I figured out another thing I can improve - eating enough earlier on in the day, so that I'm not so hungry at night. I am trying to shift to sort of front-loading my calories, more at breakfast, lunch, and day snacks rather than dinner. I noticed Sunday night as we were making dinner that I was starving, and not because we had been skiing. I waited too long to have lunch, then we didn't have much for lunch since we had left our lunch bag in the car at the mountain, oops! We split a bowl of chili, which was OK to hold us over, but I was very hungry as we headed home. We used our packed lunch as snacks during the drive, and I made a whole sandwich instead of just a half for dinner. This is observation - I had this problem not eating enough or on time on ski days last year, too. And if I look at my eating patterns, I'm generally light on the calories until dinner. So, I'm shifting to be sure I have a good breakfast and lunch, a good healthy snack if needed, then use less calories for dinner and pretty much nothing afterward. The calorie timing shift is a process, one I can improve now that I am aware. 

And with that, I need to get some chores done before I head to the pool. I hope you are having a wonderful healthy day.