just keep on keepin' on

I'd love to tell you I'm 100% back in the game. Workout-wise, I'm close, for sure. We had another miserable bike ride last weekend, one of those rides that makes you question all your life choices and whether or not you even like riding a bicycle. I know when I get mentally THERE that I am really, really pushed to my max. We had started late, it was HOT, and because of that, the wind and the hills, it took us nearly forty-five minutes to complete the first nine miles. We had another sixteen (with more wind and still many more hills) to go before we could turn and head back towards the start point, which would hopefully give us some relief. Somehow I managed to slog through the seven levels of whatever late-hot-windy-hilly-afternoon bicycle hell we were in, and get myself to that turnaround point. Thank goodness for a very supportive spouse, bike food, caffeine, and a cute little coffee shop in Longmont that was still open so late in the afternoon. 

I know that kind of later-in-the-day training should make the actual race seem like a piece of cake, but training doesn't need to be that hard all the time! This week, I started most of my big workouts IN THE MORNING. A lot more enjoyable, and less chance of crazy storms. And DH joined me for a glorious bonus evening ride on Wednesday night with the tri club. Ah, bicycling was fun again. :) Today was supposed to be my big brick, but due to work and the chance for early storms, I pushed it to Sunday. Believe me, I'll be out there early to finish before noon. And that'll be my last brick, then next week is my last hard week of training, before taper. THIS IS HAPPENING, PEOPLE!

The thing that isn't 100% back on track is my eating. I track what I eat in MyFitnessPal, so I can see my patterns. I can see I am not eating enough earlier in the day, and for me, getting too hungry leads to overeating later. I can also see that on the days I have sugar early, I generally consume more calories. Interesting. So I am not sure if it's training volume, or being so far off routine earlier this month when my grandma died, or residual grief... but nutrition is currently a challenge for me. To overcome this, I am re-reading some of my nutrition books and notes, which has definitely helped. I'm no longer waiting until the end of the day to track my food, I'm tracking as I eat or even pre-tracking the night before or in the morning, this is also helpful. I'm not so good at stopping myself from another handful of pretzels, or a bite of ice cream, or a half a glass of wine... these things add up! But, I can acknowledge that this week I'm doing that a lot less, and I've made a serious effort to get my nutrition on better ground. I'm not 100% there but I am feeling better, that's for sure. 

So here in the last two big weeks of training, the weather has sort of blown up my plans. So far, I've been able to adapt, thanks to the help from my awesome coach! But ADAPTING can be a challenge, too. When I looked at the weather last night, it was pretty apparent it would be stormy right after work, just as I'd be starting the workout. I really wanted to get my big brick done, I want to follow the plan, these are key training weeks! HOWEVER. Making it to the start line is the first goal, which means riding and running around in hail and tornadic thunderstorms today really wouldn't be the smartest option to meet that goal. So instead, we woke up super early this morning to do a Trainer Road ride (glad we did that, and another athlete joined us to make it even more fun!) before I left for work. It was a good workout, and amending my workout schedule was definitely the right call, as the storms rolled in while I was at work. My brick is now set for Sunday. I'll start it early, I'll enjoy it, and training continues.  

I'm enough in the game where I can see that the race should go well for me - as in, I'll finish, I'll feel strong, it will be a fun experience for my first half IronMan. And then I'll get to keep swimming and riding and rollerblading and trail running and having a great time playing outside with my friends, WHICH IS THE POINT. The only other notable thing to mention about doing all the hard race training is that I knew how the training plan would go, and that I would be very tired these two weeks, but I am more tired than I expected. It's one of those things where you can plan and anticipate, but until you're in the situation, you have no idea how it really is. Well. I am IN IT, now, and I. Am. TIRED. But it's temporary. I have just over one more week of this - I am taking extra care to go to bed on time, take naps when I feel like I need them, and let everything else go (you should SEE the state of my house, OH MY GOODNESS!) But I'm letting it go. It can wait until I'm tapering, or after the race. Other than being tired, I do feel great, physically, and I know this fatigue won't last forever. The feeling of crossing that finish line strong - THAT will last forever, so that's why I just keep on keepin' on. 

One more hard week. I can do it. And I really will do everything I can between now and July 23rd to make race day as much fun as possible! 

--

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)

training through grief

So it took me a little bit to get back into the groove since returning from my grandma's funeral. And, workouts have felt very difficult. Partly because THEY ARE, at this point in the training, but also because sitting in a car for 25 hours turns out to be pretty darned rough on my body. Noted.

Last week I just jumped back into the workouts. I felt like lead in the pool. My head was in a fog on runs. Weather impeded my workouts and I didn't do great at finding - or asking my coach - for adequate indoor alternatives, I just made up what I thought I could do. And some days were a real struggle to do the workout - I'd procrastinate as long as possible, then rush, and still feel badly. But I did the workouts. I even did the Manitou Incline with RMTC on Thursday last week (that one needs a separate post!) But having other people for workouts makes the workout go better for me, at this phase. I need people. I don't need to talk to them, and hard workouts facilitate that, but I do need to see them. People help me get through the suck, for sure. 

The other thing that helped, this week I made out a "chore sheet" that I can check off daily. It includes:

- Complete planned training

- Brush teeth at 8PM

- Get 7+ hours of sleep

- Keep 500-800 calorie deficit - Note for this, sometimes on big workout days it is hard for me to eat back all the calories to get to only a 500 calorie deficit. And some days I can eat right through all the workout calories and then some! Since I'm trying to shed a few pounds before the race, I want to stick to ~500 deficit daily, if my body feels good there. This is really just to track how often I'm there, as I'm training. And to be mindful, because, cookies.

- Alcohol drinks tracking - Note for this, I didn't drink the week before my last tri. I had thought I didn't feel noticeably different, however I was very rested come race day, from getting great sleep all that week, and also, I ended up on the podium. So that's not nothing! I've noticed that some days I feel sluggish training... generally, the days after I have an adult beverage. Therefore, I'm tracking the when and how many. 

Incidentally, just making the chore sheet helped me start doing these things a lot more automatically. Since making that list, training and treating my body right hasn't been the fight that it has been upon  my return from the east coast. I still get sad about my grandma. I still get brain fog in the middle of workouts. But I'm better at just doing them anyways. I'm making good food choices. I'm getting enough rest. I'm better, day by day...

It also helps to have a supportive spouse, and to see people I like. Yesterday after my big brick workout*, Mr. Scandinavian Mullet brought me a big glass of ice water in my Colorado Triathlon Champion glass. Then we had a nice dinner at our friends' house - seeing people I like really does improve the quality of your life. I'm grateful every day, even if it's hard, especially if it's hard. And so, I carry on, with my sad and grateful heart. I'll be excited again by the time my taper comes up, I'm sure!

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* Yesterday's brick was miserable. 50-mile ride, then a six-mile run with first four miles at "race intensity." We started the ride WAY too late, it was hot and the wind had picked up. Part of the trail was closed for construction and we had to detour a few miles, backtracking and then riding on gravel - not my favorite on a road bike! And of course I forgot how difficult the C-470 trail is heading east from Chatfield - by the time we crossed I-25, I was crying, I didn't want to go uphill anymore and we had to ride out to Jordan Rd! But I got it together. Drank more water, had a caffeine gel, mood greatly improved. It was a sunny day, and I was riding with my love, after all... things looked a lot better (literally, mountain views!) as we rode through Cherry Creek park. We ended up riding almost 55 miles. Then I had to run in the heat. I chose this... but I was mad. And of course I ran "race intensity" like it was a SHORT race, not like I'd be doing for my half IM! So I blew myself up on miles 1-4, and had a hard time with those last 2 miles... but, I got it done and now I know more, and it is unlikely my race will be as tough as yesterday was! That glass of ice water from Patrick was the best thing ever, for a million reasons. 

some days are diamonds...

Some days are rocks. Two weeks ago, my grandma died. Then that Saturday, four days later, I had my first tri of the season, the Colorado Triathlon (I raced the Olympic distance). I did not want to race. I did not want to figure out how to start living in a world my grandma no longer occupied, but I knew if I wanted to get to Oregon, I needed to do this race, even if it was maybe going to rain on race day. And Mr. Scandinavian Mullet was volunteering, so we couldn't have him bail on that. So we got up early, we had extra coffee, and did the best we could to get out of the house to arrive in Boulder as close to site opening as possible. 

June 3, 2023 - Colorado Triathlon in Boulder, CO
Women 45-49, Olympic distance

So, my goal for the race was to not finish last in my age group. Well... that pic, that's me in the yellow. i finished 2nd in my age group, with my first podium finish for triathlon, 20 years in to doing them! So obviously, mission accomplished. Incidentally, I almost missed participating in this Kodak moment. I knew I had caught one woman in my age group on the run and finished ahead of her. Individual race times weren't posted beyond the first 100 finishers (of both the sprint and Olympic) as I was walking out of the venue, heading back to the car. But I happened to notice they had video monitors which were scrolling through the lead finishers, so I paused to check for club friends who may have won their age group. When my age group came up, with my name next to #2, I yelled out "OH MY GOD!" and nearly blew out the eardrums of the woman next to me. I apologized and said "That's MY NAME! Next to number 2! OH MY GOD!" She started laughing at me and said "Well, you better get over there to the podium area!" So I did, but not before I borrowed her phone to text Mr. Scandinavian Mullet that I had PLACED and to come meet me at the podium. 

At the awards area, I saw some tri club friends and acquaintances. I felt very weird being there, walking my old road bike and my Trader Joe's bags full of race items, with my wetsuit hanging over my arm. Someone said hi and asked if I got an award, and it was very, very hard for me to say "I think I did... my name was next to the number two, for my age group in the Olympic." They were all so excited and congratulatory! I told them I could NOT believe this, and that I honestly thought it was a mistake. They laughed, but I was dead serious, I wasn't sure I should be there. I mean, ME???? One guy said, "I saw your husband earlier, where is he now?" I burst out laughing. "I sent him to the car! I had NO IDEA I'd place! And I don't have a phone or anything to text him, I borrowed someone else's phone a minute ago, but he's volunteering, and I have no idea where he is or if he saw my text. Is this for real?" He laughed, then he offered to be my stand-in husband and take my podium photos. [Thank you very much, David Rhodes, for capturing this moment. You can be my stand-in husband anytime!]

It turns out there were six women in my age group - coming in second out of six is top 30% and I will take it! I had a very fun race, despite being very sad about my Grandma, it was wonderful to see so many friends, have perfect cloudy and cool race weather, and have FUN swimming, biking and running like a madwoman around Boulder. (Me, having fun RUNNING, I cannot believe THAT one, either!) The whole morning was an incredibly bright spot during this very dark and somber period of my life, and capping it off with a spot on the podium was just the best kind of icing. I will never forget the shock, joy and glee I felt while standing on that black plywood box with the 2 on it, holding a glass that had "Colorado Triathlon Champion" etched onto it. All three of us up there, we were so happy. I will hold on to that memory forever. Definitely a diamond day. 

And now, we're back to the rocks. My grandma's funeral was last week, which was hard, but good. I drove the dogs out to Philadelphia, Mr. Scandinavian Mullet flew out for it, then we all drove back home together. I was so far out of a routine that week, but I wasn't stressed about it. I mean, a 3800-mile road trip, burying a beloved relative, I can certainly give myself grace for just doing the best I can to get through all that. But now that I've been home for almost a week, I haven't fully settled back into a healthy routine, and I'm getting mad at myself for that. I want to find a way to extend the grace I give myself, here. I can't expect to just snap back into life as usual. 

Specifically, I'm having a hard time taking care of ME and making healthy food and alcohol choices while I am grieving. I have been back on track with my workouts, and each day I aim for good nutrition, but as the day goes on, I get sad, and the food part is hard for me to handle well. [Honestly it is the food, I've had only two drinks since I returned home.] I know I want to feel as strong in Oregon next month as I did in Boulder two weeks ago, and how I fuel this body is a big part of that. I know that every day, I'm getting a little bit better, but... I think it's important to acknowledge that it is difficult for me not to use food as a coping mechanism. Today is the first day I really planned out all my meals, so there's a little more intention, a little more progress - evidence that I'm still mining for diamonds. 

I really am doing the best I can to get a little better each day. Whatever your goals are, I hope you're doing the same. 

 --

The woman who won my age group, Betsy Mercer, beat me by 20 minutes. I don't know her, but my coach does, and she said she's an incredible cyclist and athlete in general. Of course I wanted to know more about her, so I Googled her, and it turns out she has quite the story. Betsy blew past me on the bike, early on - obviously I didn't know it was her, but I certainly remember being passed by the blazing fast woman wearing a full-length compression sleeve on just her left leg. Very inspiring lady, and very happy to stand on a podium with her!