some days are diamonds...

Some days are rocks. Two weeks ago, my grandma died. Then that Saturday, four days later, I had my first tri of the season, the Colorado Triathlon (I raced the Olympic distance). I did not want to race. I did not want to figure out how to start living in a world my grandma no longer occupied, but I knew if I wanted to get to Oregon, I needed to do this race, even if it was maybe going to rain on race day. And Mr. Scandinavian Mullet was volunteering, so we couldn't have him bail on that. So we got up early, we had extra coffee, and did the best we could to get out of the house to arrive in Boulder as close to site opening as possible. 

June 3, 2023 - Colorado Triathlon in Boulder, CO
Women 45-49, Olympic distance

So, my goal for the race was to not finish last in my age group. Well... that pic, that's me in the yellow. i finished 2nd in my age group, with my first podium finish for triathlon, 20 years in to doing them! So obviously, mission accomplished. Incidentally, I almost missed participating in this Kodak moment. I knew I had caught one woman in my age group on the run and finished ahead of her. Individual race times weren't posted beyond the first 100 finishers (of both the sprint and Olympic) as I was walking out of the venue, heading back to the car. But I happened to notice they had video monitors which were scrolling through the lead finishers, so I paused to check for club friends who may have won their age group. When my age group came up, with my name next to #2, I yelled out "OH MY GOD!" and nearly blew out the eardrums of the woman next to me. I apologized and said "That's MY NAME! Next to number 2! OH MY GOD!" She started laughing at me and said "Well, you better get over there to the podium area!" So I did, but not before I borrowed her phone to text Mr. Scandinavian Mullet that I had PLACED and to come meet me at the podium. 

At the awards area, I saw some tri club friends and acquaintances. I felt very weird being there, walking my old road bike and my Trader Joe's bags full of race items, with my wetsuit hanging over my arm. Someone said hi and asked if I got an award, and it was very, very hard for me to say "I think I did... my name was next to the number two, for my age group in the Olympic." They were all so excited and congratulatory! I told them I could NOT believe this, and that I honestly thought it was a mistake. They laughed, but I was dead serious, I wasn't sure I should be there. I mean, ME???? One guy said, "I saw your husband earlier, where is he now?" I burst out laughing. "I sent him to the car! I had NO IDEA I'd place! And I don't have a phone or anything to text him, I borrowed someone else's phone a minute ago, but he's volunteering, and I have no idea where he is or if he saw my text. Is this for real?" He laughed, then he offered to be my stand-in husband and take my podium photos. [Thank you very much, David Rhodes, for capturing this moment. You can be my stand-in husband anytime!]

It turns out there were six women in my age group - coming in second out of six is top 30% and I will take it! I had a very fun race, despite being very sad about my Grandma, it was wonderful to see so many friends, have perfect cloudy and cool race weather, and have FUN swimming, biking and running like a madwoman around Boulder. (Me, having fun RUNNING, I cannot believe THAT one, either!) The whole morning was an incredibly bright spot during this very dark and somber period of my life, and capping it off with a spot on the podium was just the best kind of icing. I will never forget the shock, joy and glee I felt while standing on that black plywood box with the 2 on it, holding a glass that had "Colorado Triathlon Champion" etched onto it. All three of us up there, we were so happy. I will hold on to that memory forever. Definitely a diamond day. 

And now, we're back to the rocks. My grandma's funeral was last week, which was hard, but good. I drove the dogs out to Philadelphia, Mr. Scandinavian Mullet flew out for it, then we all drove back home together. I was so far out of a routine that week, but I wasn't stressed about it. I mean, a 3800-mile road trip, burying a beloved relative, I can certainly give myself grace for just doing the best I can to get through all that. But now that I've been home for almost a week, I haven't fully settled back into a healthy routine, and I'm getting mad at myself for that. I want to find a way to extend the grace I give myself, here. I can't expect to just snap back into life as usual. 

Specifically, I'm having a hard time taking care of ME and making healthy food and alcohol choices while I am grieving. I have been back on track with my workouts, and each day I aim for good nutrition, but as the day goes on, I get sad, and the food part is hard for me to handle well. [Honestly it is the food, I've had only two drinks since I returned home.] I know I want to feel as strong in Oregon next month as I did in Boulder two weeks ago, and how I fuel this body is a big part of that. I know that every day, I'm getting a little bit better, but... I think it's important to acknowledge that it is difficult for me not to use food as a coping mechanism. Today is the first day I really planned out all my meals, so there's a little more intention, a little more progress - evidence that I'm still mining for diamonds. 

I really am doing the best I can to get a little better each day. Whatever your goals are, I hope you're doing the same. 

 --

The woman who won my age group, Betsy Mercer, beat me by 20 minutes. I don't know her, but my coach does, and she said she's an incredible cyclist and athlete in general. Of course I wanted to know more about her, so I Googled her, and it turns out she has quite the story. Betsy blew past me on the bike, early on - obviously I didn't know it was her, but I certainly remember being passed by the blazing fast woman wearing a full-length compression sleeve on just her left leg. Very inspiring lady, and very happy to stand on a podium with her!